Confessions of an "Ugly American"

Ok first off don't let the title fool you. I don't wanna brag but I can still clean up ok for what I have to work with ha...It's in reference to an "enlightening" article I read on msn.com entitiled Travel Etiquette Tips: How to Avoid Being an"Ugly American". Now I'm really struggling with the vernacular here but that REALLY urinates me off to no end. I understand what their getting at and I've been out of the country enough times to have seen it first hand. I've been downtown Amsterdam and overheard some (other) rednecks from Alabama talking all loud about finding them some hash and hookers. On a side note, if you're known the world over as an outrageous party city, where you have to really go out of your way to do anything illegal, can you really complain much when the outrageous partiers show up and get a little obnoxious???? Spending their annoying American tourist dollars???? I get the point msn, don't talk loud, don't wear Levis and Nikes, and don't EVER express your opinion about anything... but the patronizing, pandering, political correct factor makes me want to throw up in my mouth. Also, you missed a few spots. How about, How to Avoid Being an "Ugly Arab". Like don't go to America and fly their planes into their bulidings, killing thousands of innocent people because they believe different from you. Americans find this kind of behaviour rude and unacceptable as it goes against their customs. Or how about, How To Avoid Being an "Ugly Mexican". Don't sneak across the border, use the schools and healthcare system, skip out on paying taxes, and expect the National Anthem and the freaking atm's to be in Spanish. Americans find this kind of behaviour rude and unacceptable as it goes against their customs. Where ya at msn, are you with me????? Why don't y'all spread the enlightenment all the way around?

So the more I think about this, I think I'll just stay a little closer to home. I saw some cool, old stuff in Europe, but nothing that moves me like Savannah,Ga. I met some beautiful people across the border but none as memorable as the brunette selling cigars at Bike Week. (To be fair she was originally from russia, but the chaps she wore so well were straight out of south Texas...now, there's some diversity I can celebrate...) and I've had some exhilarating moments off of US soil but none compare to heading out of Key West Fl. the last morning of bike week, rolling onto the seven mile bridge with Harleys as far as you could see in front of or behind you. That ear splitting , straight pipe, oil burning, all American, v-twin rumble just goes to show you that sometimes, being obnoxious is just our way of letting you know we're having a good time. Man, I gotta get me another bike...

Worst Job In The World

Have you ever wanted to be the President of the United States of America? Fly around on a killer jet, have freeways shut down for you, and be "The Man"? Sounds pretty good at first, but as of the last few years, the job description has become truly staggering. I watch a lot of news and apparently the President is now supposed to be everybodys daddy as well. I mean, if natural disaster should strike and you're the President, its your fault. Not only that, if I should happen to be affected, you owe me a new life, and it had better be better than the last one I had. If you try to tide me over with a couple grand, I will scoff in your general direction and then blow it on strippers and tennis shoes, and you'll owe me still more. Oh, and gas is supposed to be free. And don't give me that propaganda about supply and demand, and don't try to blame the last guy for making sure we can't harvest our own resorces from Alaska and the coast of Florida. I just want the free gas that you owe me...period. And then you have to worry a lot about how the rest of the world thinks of all of us. Apparently everybody hates us...until they have a tsunami or a giant earthquake and then, there they are, with their grubby little hands out for you to give them money until the French Red Cross shows up. And if you don't give enough, you guessed it, it's your fault. Oh snap, this just in, there is no French Red Cross imagine that.

Southern Hospitality

Hey I'm going to make a post and not complain about anything I've seen on CNN. I think I can do it. So I get a call yesterday from a friend of mine inviting me out to see some live music at "The Farm". I checked my calender, and as luck would have it, I didn't have anything else booked to do for the next year or two, so I said sounds like a plan. I had heard about the place and it was everything I had heard and then some. This retired couple have turned their farm into what looks like a Bonanza set. The guy has built a couple of cabins out of scrap wood and leftovers and they are very cool. The big cabin has a giant front porch that they use as a stage and the soundbooth is in a treehouse. There were tables of snacks and hot dogs to cook on a couple of big fire pits. I hadn't had a camp fire cooked hotdog since I was a kid at one of those right-wing evangelical youth camps where I had my young mind warped into thinking that human decency was something worth trying to preserve in the world. They were better than I remember. I think I'm going to build a fire pit in my back yard. I should have gotten the buddy I went with to manage my music "career" back when I had a small amount of motivation. He was telling the nice people that they should have me out to play so they took my information and we'll see. Might find my niche yet... It's been so long since I've played out, I'd have to re-learn my own tunes. I reakon it's like riding a bike though, I'm sure I can still fall off and skin my knee. At any rate we had a blast. Heard some good music, the weather was perfect, and the people made you feel right at home. Just like it's supposed to be down south here.

And in an unheard of turn of events I'm going to be out of the house two night in a row. I'm going to an outdoor concert to see gospel soul-singer Bryan Duncan. He was always one of my favorites growing up. He has kind of a road diary on his website that I read alot. I don't think you'll find anybody in his position that is so unbelievably honest with their outlook on their life, struggles, career, and themselves. I hope I get a chance to shake his hand and thank him for providing some of the soundtrack to my life, and mostly for not having all the answers. Rock on Bryan D!

Evolution

I was mowing the grass and thinking about evolution the other day. Seems to me that if I was going to believe that the whole universe was a giant accident I would want it to look a little more accidental. Why does it still take nine months to have a kid? Why hasn't Hillary Clinton turned into a goat? Why haven't I seen any monkeys turn into people? Apparently it's just quit working. Also I would have a problem believing in a theory. I mean they dont call it the theory of gravity its the law of gravity. I've been told on several occasions that I have too much time on my hands and that I don't socialize as much as I should, but I was thinking. If evolution really worked wouldnt owning a farm be a trip? It'd be like, Hey Farmer Brown how's your old sheep dog shep? Oh, that's a real sad story sonny, ole Shep done eevolved into a durn elephant last night. My two ponys turned into unicorns and the milk cow turned into a lion. If we wuz runnin us a circus here we could probably make enough money to get some milk for the baby. Oh, well I see you're building on to the old farm house something must be going well. Yep sonny, thats another problem, three of my hogs done turned in to people of all things. I guess I shoulda butchered em last week cuz now folks would think I was a cannibal. But hey thats just my opinion. I gotta go check on my dog to make sure he's still walking on four legs.

Redneck Retirement Plan

So I've been very busy of late working on my new retirement plan. I've always been kind of an idea guy. When I was a kid my cousins and I read all the Hardy Boys books. I was Chet. If you're not familier with the literary classics, Chet was the idiot who always had a new idea. My Dad used to say things too me like, have you ever thought about just working for a living? Now thats crazy talk especially to an idea guy. You just need a good opportunity and a plan. I was looking for a good home based business with a minimal investment that didn't really require me to do much on my end, cause that how I roll. Anyway, now that you're on the edge of you're seats, I'm talking of course, about online poker. There are risks, like in any other business, that you can lose everything you start with and then some. You do have to put up some money in a foreign bank. Now some people I know would worry about things like identity theft in a situation like this, but I figure, how screwed up would somebody have to be to want to be me. Also there is a little luck involved. This is another obstacle because my luck, well its never really been what you would call good. I've been reading a lot though and Anthony Robbins always says luck is just opportunity that met preparation. Cross your fingers, I'm all in.

First up, Rosie O'donnell. So I'm reading that Rosie if more afraid of Christians than terrorists. Just when I thought I'd heard it all. She's lucky, I guess, that she's not afraid of Jewish people or her career would already be over. If there's anything I've learned over the last couple of months you don't want to upset the Jewish community. Now I don't have anything against Jewish people or any other group of law abiding people that aren't out to kill us all for that matter. I don't think what Mel Gibson said was in good taste or at all appropriate. However, it seems to me that in the era of political correctness if you have the urge to run somebody down you can still pick on the Christians. Illegal immigrants are refered to as undocumented or new arrivals so as not to hurt their feelings but Billy Graham is an evangelical wacko. Hey wheres all the open minded tolerance? Where's all the acceptance for everyone even if they're different from you? Guess I'll keep looking. I think Rosie's still just sore that Ellen chose to go to the prom with me instead of her. Watch out Rosie, the Baptists are coming and they have guns.

Welcome to Wrecks of Oregon. Its not just a place it's a state of mind. So this is my first blog. I'll be commenting on current events, music, the world as I know it and anything else I want to. Feel free to have a difference of opinion and if you don't like what you read you can always get your money back at the door. Also I'm a conservative so if your easily offended by common sense you probably won't like it here a bit. Have a nice day, B-bye